At the beginning of my spiritual path I believed that the whole purpose of spiritual growth was to get rid of my humanity. I thought that I had to transcend all these "bad" parts of myself that I saw as in the way of becoming some kind of spiritual ideal. I was looking for perfection and cruelly rejecting huge parts of myself.
In my early 20's, while I was part of a cult-ish group in which I was treated with disrespect, I naturally often found myself angry. I believed that my anger meant that I was spiritually underdeveloped, and failed to accept that it was a natural, healthy response to being treated with disrespect. In fact I rejected the anger so intensely that my inner world became a battleground of self-hatred, and it was only a matter of time before the tension brought on an emotional collapse.
My story is only a small example of the collective spiritual judgment against our humanity that has been played out for centuries. An obvious larger-scale example is the profound wounding most westerners have suffered due to the belief in sins. Even those who no longer believe in Christianity are hurt by a society shaped by the pervasive influence of Christian ancestors who believed that we had to control or get rid of the impurities of our humanity. This wounding can look like something as obvious as feeling guilty about having multiple sexual partners, or something as subtle as believing being proud of yourself means that you'll become a narcissist.
These types of beliefs are not only in western religions, but also in eastern religions and new-age brands of spirituality that say we must "kill our ego" or to "get over our stories" about our humanity. Or we believe that our spirituality makes us better than our fellow humans, more "special" somehow. Then we perpetuate the judgment by telling other "non-spiritual" people how to be when they are not asking for our advice.
Of course it is understandable that we have put judgments and restrictions on our humanity out of fear of what some of our unbridled energies can do. But this has just created more fear and lack of understanding about rejected parts of ourselves. Furthermore, without our understanding and awareness these parts are much more likely to cause problems for ourselves and others.
This rejection of ourselves leaves us with a lot of self-hatred, confusion, and inner division. Ironically, it also makes spiritual growth unattainable. How can we become divine, become One with All, when we are so divided inside? More and more I am compassionately embracing my humanity, realizing that the "imperfections" are all tender, innocent cries for love and unity. Our rejected parts are crying to us as we cry to God; "please see me, hear me, feel me, love me". I see my anger now as my power; an angelic sword and shield. I feel my grief break my heart open to love. I lose myself and unite with other in the wildness of my sexuality. My fear is an invitation to be more alive. Allowing each rejected part to rejoin the river of energy. This is my wholing practice that makes me holy.
In some polytheistic religions there are multiple gods who each represent different aspects of divinity. You may see these gods having sex, sticking their tongues out, frightening us, destroying things, or having "imperfect" emotions such as jealously and anger. They are wild and free; they are unapologetically themselves. What if we are also wild and crazy Gods, just here to allow the universal energies that run through us without judgment? Allowing whatever is here to be here, and using our super powers of awareness and discernment to decide what to express in the world. Undivided, unblocked, liberated, creative, genuine, free, and wild human Gods.
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